Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

What motivates me to get up in the morning? I know it's that I need to go to work or school, but what makes me feel that these things are important enough for me to drag myself out of bed?
I always wondered what would happen if one day, I just refused. If I simply, calmly told anyone who asked that I do not have anything on my schedule for the next day, the next week, the next month, the next infinity. That I will be staying in this safe, cocoon of a bed and not leaving until I feel the need to do so. Every day that I go to work or school, I subconsciously tell myself that I'm storing up days until I do not do anything. Until I refuse. I tell myself that I am building up days or credit so that when I do stop, I won't look like the boy who cried wolf. I don't think I will ever literally stop doing things. But this comforts me, so it must be a defense mechanism.
Does anyone else feel this way?
There's something terribly confusing about the inner workings of my brain.